grins: the fragrance comes
between young river mouth, the
alone, lovers of
troubled dreams and reeds.
Rhythm: the branches grow branches. Letter
on yellow among
Leaving a final period off of the end of these was the suggestion of some of the members of my creative writing group. They thought the poem could loop around from the end to the beginning: "lovers of grins;" "among troubled dreams."
As soon as that was pointed out to me, these gained depths of meaning that I hadn't seen before. Ending on a preposition really opens up the haiku to various interpretations. Personally, I love the dangling suggestion that these leave me with. Lovers of what? A letter, on yellow (what?), among... what? My imagination steps in to fill the gaps.
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